{"id":2837,"date":"2021-03-08T10:50:59","date_gmt":"2021-03-08T06:20:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/adventure.auroville.com\/?p=2837"},"modified":"2022-05-06T12:57:11","modified_gmt":"2022-05-06T08:27:11","slug":"rewriting-the-movie-of-my-life-michael","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adventure.auroville.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/08\/rewriting-the-movie-of-my-life-michael\/","title":{"rendered":"Rewriting the Movie of My Life: Michael"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I find that the deeper you go into Auroville, the deeper you go into yourself.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI guess my story starts with my family. I was born to a German mother and a Spanish father, and I remember always trying to please my parents, to be the good boy. When my father left us, I really felt responsible for the family. I thought I should get the best job, get a good income to provide for my mom and sister. So I ended up in business law. This is when I first started experiencing some dichotomy, some separation between me and myself. There was a moment after entering law school where I almost committed suicide, I felt I had no purpose. I stopped myself and I said: \u2018No, bring yourself back together, you have a responsibility towards your family.\u2019 In that moment I buried something that was big in me, these questions of, who am I? and what do I want to do in my life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It came back to me 5 years later at the end of my studies, when I was applying for a big business institute. During the interview to apply I was facing this panel of corporate people, very serious. I did well, I was quite sharp, but then at the end they asked me: \u2018Who do you admire the most, dead or alive?\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was trying to think of something smart to say but somehow \u2018Edith Piaf\u2019 came out of my mouth, out of my control. I even remember looking around like, did I just say that? [laughs<\/em>]. When they asked me why Edith Piaf, I said: \u2018Because she changed the world with her voice.\u2019 They looked at me like I was crazy. After that the interview was completely terrible, I panicked. Again it gave me this hint that there was something that wanted to burst out of me, but I kept suppressing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally I got a great job at a company for wind energy. I was 23 years old, making quite some money. I had a career in front of me. But I would come home every evening feeling so empty. Everything was perfect, but I was terribly unhappy. One night I had a dream I had had many times before, where I was in a tunnel. I usually got stuck in it, but this time I jumped out of it and I entered another reality:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I become conscious of just sitting, typing on a computer. It is not me typing; I am kind of invading the consciousness of someone, living in their body. After a while I realise it is me, but 10 years older.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am in this office in Shanghai, it is midnight and I am still working, I am the boss there. I go home, and after a short drive I arrive at a gate. It opens automatically. I come into the house, a huge house, and the guy I am in is thinking \u2018Be quiet, don\u2019t wake up the kids.\u2019 I go into my living room and I sit to relax for a bit. Then I remember I saw something on the wall as I was walking in. Finally I manage to get up and I look at a picture hanging on the wall. I am there with my wife, two kids, and a dog. I look at myself: I look so serious, in a suit. I feel like there is no life in this person that I am supposed to become, his eyes are dead. I start freaking out and finally I fall back, through the floor, and I wake up in my own body.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That dream showed me my life as a movie that was written in advance. I had that feeling in that company, that they were writing the movie of my life instead of me taking responsibility of it. The next day I left this job. I wanted to go really far away from what I knew, from my family. I decided I had to go to India because I thought: this culture must be so far from mine that it cannot influence me. I will finally see who I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The day I left Paris, I was very serene. I had no clue where I was going, I didn\u2019t book a hotel. I just had my bag and I was going to the other side of the planet. And while walking towards the subway with my luggage, this woman runs towards me. The moment she passes me I turn not to collide with her, and when I turn just in front of me there is a door, a random door in a random neighbourhood. And on the top of the door is written: \u2018Here is born Edith Piaf, the woman who changed the world with her voice.\u2019 That was a good sign.<\/p>\n\n\n\n