That she did something is clear. That I waited to be caught is also very clear. I needed that Mother. That I am still here, in Auroville, is due to my daily encounter with her.
I was an actor in Germany and I sort of had a career, but I knew that it was not what I believed I could do. My career was nice, I had money, but it was not fulfilling. I travelled all over Europe and the US, and eventually made it to India. In Sarnath I met two Australians who were coming from Pondicherry. Here for the first time somebody spoke about the Mother to me – in a derogatory way. Still, somehow the only thing I heard them say was, ‘She is in Her body’. I finally went to Pondicherry. When I arrived in 1970, I was told that I could only see the Mother on my birthday. But in the end I did not have to wait. The next morning, bang bang bang on the door. “She wants to see you.” (laughs)
Before standing in front of her, I was so proud, full of myself. But I came in and everything was over, everything was done, there was nothing left of me. I was flat on the ground immediately. What I wanted all my life finally happened. In front of her I collapsed. I am not sure how long it lasted, I am sure it only took seconds. My whole life passed, I realized that I was very small. I stayed in that state for quite some time, at least it appeared to me like that. Then I heard a voice saying, ‘She wants your hands.’ I reached out to her to give them and then came her beautiful smile: ‘I am there.’ I was thinking: without her I cannot go one step anymore.
The next morning I was still in Park Guest House. Before waking up I had the experience of Mother being physically inside me. It was strange, it was the Mother inside of me turning like a wheel. In my chest or in my heart. I broke down again, cried and cried…
After that day I didn’t have other experiences – not one. I am hanging in mid-air ever since. Everything else, she has given to me. I know what she is giving me every day. I take care of this place, I touch the soil every day, knowing that it is sacred soil, Mother’s soil. As much as I can I will be responsible for it. I get all my existence out of it.
To the Mother I don’t have to adjust. To the world, to Auroville, yes. Auroville is and will be a success, at least in terms of tourism. But did we come for that? It is one thing to dream, another to wake up. But a lighthouse has been ignited, and it is not in vain.”
This is an excerpt from the book ‘Turning Points’ by Auroville Press.
To read more about Thomas’ journey, have a look at the book here.