The Crushing Circumstances: Aurovik

Auroville is me. I am the problem, I am the solution.

“I am happy to have a conversation on a topic like Auroville. As I sit here today, I can’t believe that 15 years has passed so quickly. I can remember taking care of this Youth Center when I was young, pathetic, and full of dreams, wild, making lots of mistakes. I had a lot of anger and fear. Now, 15 years later, tuning into what I am today, there is a little less fear, less anger, maybe I’m a little less pathetic. I’m a little more humble, a little more aware and, mostly, a little more tuned in to the purpose of being here. 

I have zero competence to talk about anything on a mental level, telling you Auroville is this or that. I can plagiarize a few things and try to sound smart and intellectual and philosophical, but the truth is I don’t know; I have never known. But what I am certain of is that 21 years back I saw a photo of Mother in the Ashram and now, 21 years later, the only thing that matters to me is Her. I’m not interested in comfort; I’m not interested in much of the everyday stuff. Everything has boiled down to Her. I still struggle incredibly, but here’s the good part. Auroville is exactly the space that was created for this struggle to happen and for all the hidden muck to come to the surface and, little by little, over a period of time, for some light to enter into all the cracks and crevices of the inner being and for some baby steps of transformation happen. I am positive that I have landed here to somehow crawl and struggle, push and fight, somehow achieve some balance, so that I could make a small meaningful contribution and, hopefully, leave a simple footprint that would help to take the conversation forward. 

Mother says somewhere that if humanity doesn’t change in consciousness then crushing circumstances will be arranged for the change to happen. And for me, every day here in Auroville, those crushing circumstances are arranged, some on the subtle level, some on the visible level, some on the meta level. It’s always about each individual’s inner journey in transformation and the collective rise in consciousness. If we are transitional beings, then what we encounter daily are the outcomes of transition, these are the visible and invisible evidences of a transitional and transformational journey. 

Auroville is me. It is what is inside that shows on the outside, whether it’s on an individual level or a collective level. Learning about what is inside people and what separates them or unites them, what pulls them, what pushes them, is for me the very essence of being here. For me, Auroville is an incredible opportunity to not just change the narrative in theory. but change the narrative integrally on the inside and eventually on the outside. In status I am an Aurovilian, but actually I’m just a simple, full of imperfections, human being who is trying to be an Aurovilian. 

The current climate is very intense because a force is creating an atmosphere of fear and chaos and power and division, and instruments are feeding into it. So every moment I have this massive choice: to be in balance, to connect more with the diversities and polarities and unite, or get into the same repeated criticisms and pulls and again divide and separate. I am going to try my best not to play into these forces and become their instrument. I am going to retain my purpose of connecting with people, agreeing with them, disagreeing with them, and sometimes agreeing to disagree with them, but I am not going to disconnect from them because I am not willing to stay disconnected. Not with myself, not with anyone else. For what do we want to do? Do we want to repeat the old patterns and divide and find enough justifications to stay divided? Or should we persevere relentlessly in coming closer to each other, even if we see things differently? Can we stop differentiating between people – young/old, local/foreign, man/woman, newcomer/old-timer etc. – because it feels like a never ending cutting of the cake into smaller and smaller pieces rather than just seeing it as one. We are all the same. 

I’m not afraid, I don’t need to be liked or be accepted. I don’t want to play games. Rather, I want to make a change every moment and try to progress: to get out of my comfort zone, take responsibility for the patterns I have been repeating. Above all, I want to connect more deeply with Her. I don’t want to blame a single person or entity for what I am now or the circumstances I find myself in because that excuse has been played out so many times. Instead, I am going to focus on me, I am going to invest in focusing inside and getting better, and becoming the best possible version of me for the Mother. For Auroville is me. I am the problem, I am the solution. I have to get better.”

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